The Blessed Sturgeon Mary: Punk Rock for the Restless and Resigned
 

The Blessed Sturgeon Mary didn’t mean to become a band. Four friends. Three chords. Zero ambition. What started as a way to blow off steam after work has turned into a cult following of disillusioned punks who scream along to songs with titles like "Sodium Benzoate Killed My Dreams" and "Jesus Rode Shotgun, We Crashed." The music? Short, fast, and furious. The lyrics? Honest. The titles? Completely unrelated.

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The Story

Danny Ellis grew up in a rusted-out Pennsylvania town, watching his mom work herself sick at a warehouse job while his dad prayed to a God Danny never understood. When his mom died, Danny lost whatever belief he might have had. Years later, sitting by a quiet lake, he found himself muttering, "Blessed Sturgeon Mary, help me find a damn fish." Minutes later, he reeled in a trout. The name stuck. The band was born.

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They played their first show at a basement party and somehow never stopped. With no plan, no talent, and no money, they quit their jobs, crammed into a van called The Sardine Can, and hit the road. They sleep on borrowed couches, wake up with bruises from cold hardwood floors, and scream their frustrations into the mic night after night.

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The Band

🎤 Danny Ellis (Vocals) – Gravel-voiced cynic who finds peace in nature and chaos on stage.

🎸 Mark "Cider" Evans (Guitar) – Learned guitar from YouTube and plays like it.

🎸 Becca Allen (Bass) – Silent offstage, feral onstage.

🥁 Tim “Wheels” Martinez (Drums) – Breaks sticks, kits, and occasionally bones mid-show.

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The Music

Their debut album, "God Left the Group Chat", is 26 minutes of raw, punchy punk. Highlights include:

• "Therapy’s Expensive, Beer’s Cheap" – A two-minute panic attack with a catchy chorus.

• "Accordion Solo in a Punk Song" – There is no accordion. There never was.

• "Fly-Fishing with Chuck Ragan" – A heartfelt, angry tribute to finding peace in the wild.

 

They still don’t know how they got here, but as long as there are rivers to fish, songs to scream, and hardwood floors to crash on, The Blessed Sturgeon Mary will keep rolling.

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Because life’s a mess. Might as well make noise.